A Bachelor Bashes The Bachelorette (shocking)

Delicious snark from Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette.

Wine-inspired confession: Watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, ABC’s infuriatingly addictive “reality” dating shows, is some of my favorite quality time with the hubbers. Why? His side-splitting color commentary about the idiocy of it all. Here, a few gems from Monday night’s episode from The Bachelorette Season 7:

Bachelor Bashes Bachelorette

Deadly funny commentary on Monday's episode.

1) [Imitating Constantine getting the rose during a one-on-one date with Ashley]: “Of course I’ll accept this rose … Will you pin it on my scrotum?”

2) [Reaction to one of the guys saying "We're after the same fruit" during their beer-drinking, shoot-the-shit-fest]: “We’re after the SAME FRUIT???” Are you kidding me?” [Takes on Bill-Clinton-esque, smarmy accent]: ‘Yeah, boys, we’re after the same kumquat. We’re after the same cherry. Heh heh heh.’”

3) [General commentary about the appearance of JP, the nearly hair-free construction dude from NYC:] “Did that guy lose his eyebrows in a freak construction accident?”

4) [After JP falls into the sand trying to pick up Ashley following an obviously knee-buckling makeout session on the beach]: “How much sh!t is he gonna get from his construction buddies that he can’t dead-lift her???”

5) [On when Ryan stole Ashley away 30 seconds before she hands out the first group rose:] “He yanked her away just to tell her he’s looking forward to more time with her? Seriously?!? [Adapts Pee-Wee Herman accent] ‘And then we can go and … uh … make … little tents with flashlights in the field, and stuff like that! Ok! Let’s go back to the group!’”

6) [Commentary about Ames after his one-on-one date with Ashley]: “Did he say he’s been to 70 countries? Pretty impressive. I guess I’ve been pretty hard on the guppy.”

Good stuff, C., good stuff. I wish he’d been able to comment on Ashley’s not one, not two, but THREE references to her “dark time” after getting fleeced by that douche Bentley, but alas, he had fittingly fallen asleep by then.

1 Comment »

  1. How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?? Of course, I might try if I knew I was going to be taking all these trips and living a luxurious lifestyle I’ve only dreamed of living. Now, the bachelor will kiss ALL the women, but the Bachelorette is TOO dignified to do such. Plus, all those silly games are a little to over the top for me

    Comment by Alan — August 22, 2011 @ 2:14 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment