Psycho Girlfriends and How to Handle Maid-of-Honor Jealousy

When crazy girlfriends threaten to turn into psycho girlfriends, and advice on handling jealousy over Maid of Honor honors.

Q: For the past two years, I’ve been dating a girl who’s a little bit psycho when she gets drunk. To be honest, it’s A LOT psycho; she’s even hit me once or twice. But when she’s not in one of her moods, she’s awesome. She’s funny and smart and, I have to admit, super hot, and our sex life is scorching. Her moods don’t happen too often, and mostly when she’s drunk. But it’s like she’s bipolar or something, and I never know when she’s going to go over the edge.

I know ending it would help save my sanity, and all of my friends are telling me to break up with her. I know I should, but I keep thinking she’ll change. She has been going to therapy and things are getting a little bit better, but I wonder if it’s enough. I want to settle down one day, but not with someone like this. Still, the thought of starting over is so scary. — Torn  

A: Scarier than the thought of her smashing a beer bottle over your head the next time she’s in one of her moods? This is the kind of s**t that escalates, my friend, and you need to get out NOW. There’s nothing wrong with putting up with the crazy for a little bit when it comes with arm candy and stellar sex—we’ve all done it. But it’s time to draw the line when a crazy girlfriend is starting to make you crazy, too.

And if preserving your safety and sanity isn’t enough of an incentive, chew on this: Sure, she might currently be super hot, and your sex life might be scorching now, but super hot looks and scorching sex will fade over 20 or so years. That I can promise you. Then what are you left with? The core of who she is: a psycho hose beast. Yeah, it’s great that she’s in therapy to figure this out and blah blah blah, but counseling can only do so much. Let some other schmuck put up with her abuse while you go find someone who’s hot, great in the sack and sane. They’re out there.


Q: Last week I became engaged to the most wonderful guy, Tom, and we are starting to plan our wedding. I have been so happy and excited, until my mother dropped a bombshell. She asked me if I was going to ask my sister, Karen, to be Maid of Honor. Karen is six years older than me and we are good friends, but because of the age difference have not been extremely close. On the other hand, I have a best friend, Cindy, whom I have been friends with since eighth grade. We have been through so much together, and there was never a doubt that she would be my maid of honor.
When I told Karen about my engagement over dinner at our folks’ house, she didn’t say much and didn’t even ask to see my ring. Tom says she is just jealous because she has wanted to get married for years. I am afraid that if I don’t ask Karen to be my maid of honor, my family will be mad at me and that would ruin the wedding. I am sure Cindy would understand, but it is my wedding and I feel like I should do things the way I want. Maybe we should just take the easy way out and elope! — Worried Bride


A: I’m a huge fan of packing up some sexy lingerie for a long weekend to Vegas or Bermuda or wherethehellever and tying the knot, just you two, screw the nagging family members, the protocol, the overpriced cake and the whole ridiculous lot of it. Of course, your family would probably be just as pissed at you for that, so I’m not sure it would be the easy way out after all.

So where does that leave you? Well, your fiancé might be right that Karen is jealous and bitter, and her nonchalance at dinner does support that. But maybe that can work in your favor—perhaps she doesn’t give a rat’s ass about being maid of honor. Try to feel her out on it, perhaps when there’s alcohol involved and you’re more likely to get an honest answer. Presumably, Karen also knows that Cindy is your BFF. You could tell her Cindy assumes she’s got the gig stitched up and is already falling over herself planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower—and would Karen be cool with being a bridesmaid? If, indeed, this is all fine and dandy with Karen, then you both go to your mom, tell her what you’ve decided, and immediately give her another wedding-related task to fret over.
However, if you do suspect there’d be lots of hurt feelings if you didn’t ask Karen, then why not just ask her already? Of course, Cindy will understand, and she’ll be by your side throughout the whole wedding madness anyway. And this concession could help you plenty down the road—like when Mom wants to invite all 30 of her book-club friends. 


And, finally, best wishes!




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