Q: I have been married a little over a year to a wonderful man and we have been together for over 4 years. A couple of his buddies were over at the house last night and over a few drinks the subject of my husband’s bachelor party came up. I already knew that they had all went out to a bar and then spent the remainder at the inevitable strip club. I was fine with that. However, something was said last night to make me believe that there may have been a little more to the wild night, like perhaps my husband went to a VIP room, but I don’t know for sure. I am torn between pressing for details or just letting sleeping dogs lie. I mean, it was one night, he is a good man and we have a great relationship. — Bothered by the Bachelor Party
A: Bachelor and bachelorette parties are like the Area 51 of relationships. You know some dark deeds probably went down, but there’s no firm evidence of what exactly happened – or the players involved. And there’s always a convoluted cover-up effort to protect the innocent – and not-so-innocent.
Here’s what we do know in all likelihood about your situation: Your husband is a “wonderful man” who has been faithful to you for the four years you’ve been together. During his bachelor party, he went to a strip club where there were attractive, naked women. His buddies probably bought him a lap dance (or two) in which those attractive, naked women ground themselves into his crotch. It’s fairly safe to say he made at least some skin-to-skin contact with some butts and boobs other than yours.
But you don’t know for sure 1) whether he actually went into the VIP Room; 2) what sort of behavior is allowed in that VIP room; 3) whether your husband was a bystander or a participant. Whatever the case, consider this: From what I hear about VIP rooms, they’re just another way that strip clubs cash in on the egos of drunken dudes who can brag later, “Yeah, bro, that VIP room was the bomb!” When, in fact, they’ve paid 300 percent markup to get the same exact lap dance that’s given in the main room.
If your husband did, in fact, engage in some sordid behavior, I highly doubt his buddies – drunk as they may have been – would even approach the subject at his house, with his wife nearby. And ask yourself this: What good does it do knowing the details anyway – that yes, the D-cup knockers of a stripper named Kandi grazed your husband’s cheek? Unless you have real reason to believe he crossed boundaries you’d set beforehand, I encourage you to just let it go.
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We broke up for a little while cause he cheated on me, but we are now living together again. Recently he went to Florida with another couple and one other girl. Go figure, something happened. He said they just kissed but I find that hard to believe considering that they slept in the same bed together for the whole time. I feel like the relationship is just over. He just gives me the impression that he doesn’t want to be together anymore. How do I let go of him? I know it is best and I know it is going to happen sooner or later but I just don’t know how to do it. It makes it even harder cause I have no family here and we live together. Should I try to get that feeling back? Is it even possible? – “Maria”
A: This is one of those times I wish I had the super power to just reach through the internet and shake people. Honey, the only feeling you should be going after is that of the knob in your hand after you slam the door – literally and figuratively – on his sorry ass. What I can’t believe is “even possible” is that you’re still with this jerkoff.
This is not about “let[ting] go of him,” this is about taking back your self-respect. Here’s how:
1) Break up with him. NOW. Be brief and firm, and don’t engage in any discussion, as in: “I deserve way better than the likes of you. This is over.”
2) Start making other living arrangements. Tell him that since he was so good at sharing a bed with Ms. Florida Fling and who knows how many other girls, finding somewhere else to bunk up should be a piece of ass, er, cake.
3) Get tested for STDs.
4) Go see your family. I can’t think of a better time for some TLC from Mom and/or Dad.
Q: I think I’m in love with my massage therapist. I’ve been going to him for about a year now, about once or twice a month. I’d go every week if I could afford it! He’s so incredibly dreamy with the strongest, manliest hands I’ve ever seen, yet they have such a sensual touch. It seems that his massages have gotten a little more intimate since I’ve been going to him. …